No Singing

One of 'The Rules'. Not exactly positive which number, but definitely one of them. Which is probably for the best.

I have been recently rediscovering music. Rediscovering how much I like music. With the catalyst of some friends turning me on to new groups, purchasing albums from the past, and just surfing You Tube I have been listening to a lot more music. I like it. I like the way it feels. I like the energy and positive feelings it elicits. Some of it I believe actually helps me think and be in a better, more active state of mind.

I wonder though if that is a good thing though.

I remember studying Kung Fu and Sifu indicating that he did not prefer to train with music on. The exception being during meditation and/or Tai Chi. His reasoning was that it was an external cause and influence and he preferred a more internal approach. Makes sense considering it was a soft style Kung Fu and Tai Chi being what it is.

I am not sure I can achieve without music what I am with it currently. At least not yet. That has always stuck with me though and I keep it in mind especially when I experience and particularly strong feeling from music.

I am still no good at air guitar either, but it is fun.

Alas, poor ....

... wait a minute. Where did this skull come from? And why am I not creeped out by it? Why am I talking to it? I'm not really sure I know this skull. I should just put it down and walk away.

I used to have a blog I posted in quite frequently. Some of the stuff I posted I was quite proud of and enjoyed going back and reading. Unfortunately the site no longer exists. I am pretty sure too that the drive and database the information was in is toast. I have considered asking Waltzer if it is in any way recoverable. I really would like to read that stuff again. Revisit it and perhaps expound, edit, or rewrite some it and post it again. Yay, recycling.

I then consider if that is really a good idea. It is in the past and I should probably be looking forward. Then I think but I am the past too and those posts are at least some of the colors mixed into that grey canvas I am trying to beautify as it were. Yay, conflicted.

Where'd that skull go? I need to sit down with it and have a long conversation.

Paint a Picture

A corny title I know. Better than what I had originally planned. It's the title of a song by Anacrusis currently blasting into my ears. A band way ahead of their time. As I listen to the lyrics I find them somewhat appropriate.

Wait ... I'm having a thought. I find it interesting how well certain music, bands, songs fit so well with my current emotional state and thoughts. Music conveys and affect emotions for me and I have never been one to be too much into lyrics. When I take the effort to actually listen to them or look them up on web I find that lyrics, the words, are better fitting to the thoughts based on or causing those emotions. What interests me is how fitting the lyrics can be regardless of my emotions or thoughts. Not too surprising actually for something that is so subjective. How mutable and encompassing they are or become. Is this the artists intention? Or is it my mind doing something subconscious that has me picking the 'right' thing at that time? I think I am beginning to understand better those who answer the question "what does that song mean?" with "whatever the listener thinks."

My original title for this was going to be "A Voyage of Self Discovery, Part 1" or something equally as corny. I find "Paint a Picture" to be more fitting. I have pulled out the canvas of me recently. Lots of paint on it. So many colors mixed it's all gray and dull. Time to separate some of those colors, understand them, put them to new uses and paint a picture.

~~~~~~~~~~

"So blind beneath this canopy
So still in lifeless scenery
So pale within this shadow over me
The grey no longer satisfies
The colors neutral to these eyes
I long again to see the sky
I search to find a brighter side
With eyes so frail against the light
Which seems at times to burn me from inside"

-- Anacrusis "Paint a Picture",
from the album 'Manic Impressions', 1991

Chopsticks, tampons, and tea.

I just came across this post and title from October of '08. It was a draft with nothing in it. Simply the title. It started me to wondering. What in the hell was I going to write about with that title? I really would like to remember, but it escapes me. A lot things seem to escape me these days.

For example earlier tonight the Mrs. and were discussing the upcoming acquisition of a new iPhone. There is this application she found for it that she wants. It sounded cool to me. I had questions about it. I asked. She frowned. We had had this conversation before. I had the same questions before. I remembered after being reminded. Good lord. I really need to work on this. Apologies to the Wife.

It is all rather frustrating. It's not the only thing going on in my brain. Just the foremost this evening. There seems to be myriad of things. Not sure exactly where to start. Here is good I guess.

There are some great things going on too. For instance the laughter of my wife as she listens to a book while working. I love her laugh. It makes me happy. :)

...the hell?

Hi. Lots of jumbled thoughts in my brain pan recently. The word jumbled really does not convey the mess going on upstairs.

I was having a conversation with Mrs. J and was explaining some frustration I have been having recently with forming coherent thoughts longer than a sentence. I seem to be lacking the ability to focus. The thoughts just seem to fade and disappear or I end up off on some completely unrelated tangent. Every little thing around me causes a distraction or interruption in my thought processes. It is rather frustrating and is causing some problems. Can you imagine trying to have serious conversation with me about an important topic when I am that way?

When I look for causes all I come up with is laziness, and that is about as far as I get before distraction. Oh look! Tree bark!

Mrs. J has another theory. Lack of mental or intellectual stimulation. I managed to think about that long enough to agree with her. I do not do a whole lot these days to challenge or even moderately strain my brain. It is easy to avoid. Doing nothing pretty much takes care of it. Laziness again. Dammit.

In an effort to counter this lack of focus and intellectual stimulation I was thinking (yay!) of what I could do. One of the things I came up with is this. I am going to blog more. It certainly can not hurt. Well, not much anyway. Writing this has given me a bit of a headache. That could be the heat though. Hmmph.

Look for more in the near future.

Be well.

Dagnabbit...

... I was given one thing to do today on my day off, and I almost failed.

This morning I asked Jade what if anything she would like me to do around the house today. All she aked for was a blog post. So, here it is.

I did laundry. I played WoW. I cleaned the cat box. I ate. I napped. I played with the cats. I -almost- did not blog.

*whew* That was close. I hope this counts my love. :)

Still not a slob ...

... but a lousy blogger. Well, lousy in frequency anyway. It is not that I do not think about blogging, but for some odd reason I never seem to actually get around to it. It is not that I am not reminded ever either. Jade does remind me of how empty it is here and so I am going to attempt to rectify that.

I have been 'tagged' to write 10 Honest Things about myself. To be honest I am still thinking that one through. I do have the intention as it seems a good exercise in introspection. I think I just need some time to actually perform said introspection. It is not something I do a whole lot.

Now all of a sudden I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. Figures. More to come I swear.